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    Original Murphys Laws


    If anything can go wrong, it will.
    If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
    Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
    If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
    If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
    Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
    If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
    Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
    Mother nature is a *****.
    Murphy's Law of Copiers

    The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.

    Murphy's Law of the Open Road

    When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that:

    the two cars are going in opposite directions, and
    they will always meet at the bridge.
    Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics

    Things get worse under pressure.

    The Murphy Philosophy

    Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.

    Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws

    Everything goes wrong all at once.

    Murphy's Constant

    Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value

    Murphy's Law of Research

    Enough research will tend to support your theory.

    Addition to Murphy's Laws

    In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.

    More Laws


    Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

    It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

    Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

    Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
    Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.

    Nothing is as easy as it looks.

    Everything takes longer than you think.

    If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

    Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.

    Every solution breeds new problems.

    The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.

    Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value

    You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

    The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

    You will always find something in the last place you look.

    No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

    The other line always moves faster.

    In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.

    Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.

    If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.

    If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

    When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.

    Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.

    Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.

    In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

    There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

    When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

    Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

    Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.

    A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.

    In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

    Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.

    No good deed goes unpunished. - Sent by john cougar and by getalife who asks "who wrote that?". do you have an answer? Mail us.

    Penza's law about math's lessons:
    The porter will knock at the door at the most crucial point of the lesson. - Sent by Simone Penzavalle

    Where patience fails, force prevails. - Sent by Woody.

    Bahaman's Law on Computer Software:
    for any given software, the moment you manage to master it, a new version of that software appears in the market. - Sent by Bahaman.

    Erma Bombeck
    "Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
    Sent by - [email protected]

    Heisenberg indetermination principle applied to ill luck:
    The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you,
    the worse you know when this will happen,
    and vice-versa.
    and Relativistic correction of Murphy's law:
    Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference.
    Corollary (otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute):
    Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway.
    Were sent by - Simone Penzavalle.

    Murphy's Laws of Airline Travel
    The distance to your departure gate is directly proportional to the weight of your carry on luggage and inversely proportional to the time remaining before your flight. - Sent by Rick Delaney. I hope to open one day a page for Murphy's Laws of Airline Travel, since I think Murphy fly a lot.

    If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it.

    If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.

    When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.

    Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.

    Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect; Whatever you do will always come back.

    If you re-act to actions, you've acted on actions.

    He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger. - The last SEVEN laws were sent by Leesa, Thank you.

    Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.

    Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.

    The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.

    No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.
    (getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example)

    The fish are always biting....yesterday!

    The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind.

    Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.

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  • replied
    Firemen Laws


    Don't look conspicuous. When youíre dealing with the public it draws stupid questions. Back on Station it draws Crew Leaders
    There is always an easy way
    The easy way usually results in more damage done than less or is blocked by a large, pissed off dog who hasn't eaten in a week
    When dealing with the public try to look unimportant, They may go and find someone else to ask that stupid question to
    Falling trees have the right of way
    Uniforms only come in two sizes, too small and too large
    If your Captain can see you then so can the public
    Never worry about the falling tree branch with your name on it. Instead, worry about the falling tree addressed, "To whom it may concern"
    If orders can be misunderstood, they have been
    It isn't necessary to be an idiot to be a senior officer, but it sure helps
    Crew Leaders, not GOD, make priorities. Thereís a difference
    Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep
    Never tell the Captain or Deputy Captain you have nothing to do
    Crew leaders and above never watch until you make a mistake
    One Crew leader is never enough but two is entirely too many
    A clean and dry set of overalls is a magnet for mud and rain
    The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it
    The more an item of equipment costs, the farther you have to send it away to be repaired
    Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
    Interchangeable parts don't, leak proof seals will and self - starters wonít
    The item of equipment that usually wonít start or jams when you need it the most is the pump
    You aren't Superman
    If it's stupid but it works, it ain't stupid
    The important things are always simple
    The simple things are always hard:
    Beer Math -> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases
    Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything
    The more stupid the leader is, the more important tasks he is ordered to carry out
    The self-importance of a Deputy Captain is inversely proportional to his actual importance in the chain of command
    Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the Fire Control Officer is watching
    As soon as you are served hot food in the field, it rains
    If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution

    Leave a comment:


  • Wizzy
    started a topic Mixed Stupid laws

    Mixed Stupid laws


    Stupid Military Laws


    - Friendly fire ainít.
    - Recoilless rifles aren't.
    - Suppressive fire doesnít.
    - You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
    - A sucking chest wound is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
    - If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
    - Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you.
    - If at first you don't succeed, call in an air-strike.
    - If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
    - Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
    - Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
    - Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
    - If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
    - The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
    - The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: When they're ready and when you're not.
    - No operation plan ever survives initial contact.
    - There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
    - Five second fuses always burn in three seconds.
    - There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
    - A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
    - The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard.
    - The easiest way is always mined.
    - Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
    - Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire. For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets.
    - Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you.
    - If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone.
    - When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too.
    - Incoming fire has the right of way.
    - No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
    - No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.
    - If the enemy is within range, so are you.
    - The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
    - Things which must be shipped together as a set aren't.
    - Things that must work together can't be carried to the field that way.
    - Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support.
    - Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both.
    - Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing.
    - Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out.
    - Tracers work both ways.
    - If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take.
    - When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right.
    - Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full of dangerous amateurs.
    - Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
    - Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up.
    - The weather ain't neutral.
    - If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you.
    - The air defence motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground.
    'Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go.
    - The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue.
    - Napalm is an area support weapon.
    - Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
    - B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon.
    - Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone.
    - The one item you need is always in short supply.
    - Interchangeable parts aren't.
    - It's not the one with your name on it to worry about; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about.
    - When in doubt, empty your magazine.
    - The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
    - Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.
    - If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy.
    - Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.
    - The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass.
    - Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan.
    - Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ.
    - The enemy never watches until you make a mistake.
    - One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many.
    - A clean (and dry) set of BDUs is a magnet for mud and rain.
    - The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it.
    - Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss. Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn.
    - The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
    - The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator.
    - Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
    - No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.
    - If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything.
    - Air-strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short.
    - When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible.
    - Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA.
    - The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want.
    - To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.
    - The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
    - The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else.
    - When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack. When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night.
    - The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honour.
    - A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
    - Beer Maths -- 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
    - Body-count Maths -- 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action.
    - The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
    - All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.
    - The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance.
    - The crucial round is a dud.
    - Every command which can be misunderstood will be.
    - There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
    - Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
    - If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you.
    - If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it.
    - If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him.
    - Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
    - Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one.
    - The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out.
    - The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness).
    - There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work.
    - Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching.
    - The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel.
    - Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight, your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet.
    - As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains.
    - Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.
    - The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover.
    - Walking point = sniper bait.
    - Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
    - If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution.
    - If the enemy is in range so are you.
    - Field experience is something you never get until just after you need it.
    - All or any of the above combined.
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