Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Scottish Jokes 2

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #16
    Thank you, miserymother.

    It's not so much getting someone to read my scripts (draft part scripts would be more accurate), it's more trying to get someone with clout or big bucks to pick one up and run with it. I'm reading a fair number of other people's scripts, including some that have been made into successful feature films. You'd be amazed at how simple (and,to my eye, not too good) some of those 'successful' ones have been.

    To change the subject - how did you get that avatar of the spider on green background into your signature? I've done mine into a couple of other websites, but I'm missing on how it's done here.
    MB

    Comment


    • #17
      LOl,hi MB,it's a frog!ummm,i had Alan help my ,he explained it to me in my thread 'oh,no'so it might help you if you read in there because im not good at explaining things.it's realy not that hard,i know you go to edit profile,the signature,the add your img,i think,i may mess you up just have a peek in that thread or maybe someone else can explaine it better.

      Comment


      • #18
        Miserymother, you have failed me!!
        Ah,well, I'll go to your other threadand seewhat an expert told you.
        In the meantime, may I quote you from much earlier on in this thread - "Warning,a li'l bit of adult humor! so read at on risk".

        Gordon and his new girlfriend Heather were roaming in the gloaming on the bonnie banks of Loch Whateverthenoo. It was a lovely evening, and they were in romantic mood. They kissed, they sat, they cuddled.
        Gordon finally said, "Heather, my wee lass,put your hand up my kilt, and feel that!" Which she did, a bit shyly.
        "Oh, Gordon,"she cried, removing her hand quickly, "It's gruesome!"
        "Aye, lass, it is! But just put your hand there again - it's just grew some more!"

        Comment


        • #19
          MB,haha,you silly man.

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by miserysmother
            MB,haha,you silly man.
            I'll wait for replies from the remainder of the harem - but I have to ask, miserymother - is that a sort of a shrug-off from you, are you telling me to just stay where I am?
            Anybody - in this modern world, can I claim some sort of compensation for this psychological damage that is being inflicted on me by MM? If you can help me, I'll give you 10% of whatever I get (through the International Court at The Hague, I'd think) - but not any of the whisky, cookies or brownies!

            Comment


            • #21
              An Aberdonian, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck. They found themselves stranded on a desert island. After being there for awhile, they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down. One particular evening the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Aberdonian. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Aberdonian took his arm from around the sheep. After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together but there was no more cuddling.

              A few weeks passed, and lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful the Aberdonian had ever seen. She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health. When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to the evening >ritual. It was another beautiful evening, red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the Aberdonian started to get "those feelings" again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously and whispered in her ear... "Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?"

              WLMDO?

              Comment


              • #22
                While riding one day, a lone Biker met a Aberdonian riding a horse with a dog and a sheep alongside.
                The biker began a conversation . . . .
                Biker: "Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?"
                Aberdonian: "Dogs don?t talk."
                Biker: "Hey dog, how's it going?"
                Dog: "Doin' alright."
                Aberdonian: Look of shock.
                Biker: "Is this your owner?" pointing at the Aberdonian.
                Dog: "Yep."
                Biker: "How does he treat you?"
                Dog: "Really well. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the river once a week to play."
                Aberdonian: Look of total disbelief.
                Biker: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"
                Aberdonian: "Horses don?t talk."
                Biker: "Hey horse, how's it going?"
                Horse: "Cool."
                Aberdonian: Extreme look of shock.
                Biker: "Is this your owner? " pointing at the Aberdonian.
                Horse: "Yessiree Bob."
                Biker: "How's he treating you?"
                Horse: "Pretty good, and thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me."
                Aberdonian: Total look of utter amazement.
                Biker: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"
                Aberdonian: "The sheep is a liar."


                WLMDO?

                Comment


                • #23
                  LMAO!!!but whats up with the sheep?.not a pretty picture,hahaha.and MB shrug you off, never,you should know by now i am a sweet and kind person(evil lil grin).

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    MB... you are cracking me up!
                    maddog, i see you have joined the fun....good ones!
                    MM, hello there dear...how are ya?

                    you guys keep them coming....i love it!

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      hey,eppie,those were some funnies! Have you been to the 'dugpound' any today?,i'm fixing to head there myself to say hi to all .are you catching up on that mound of paper work on you desk,hope so the weekend is here,hide some under you desk they;ll never miss um,lol.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        hey MM
                        i am going over to the dugpound site at some point today.... i'll shoot you a little hello while i am there. yes the paperwork is gone but there is new crap there to replace it...yippee!!!

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          A Guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus on a stool and announces that this is a very talented octopus, which can play any musical instrument in the world.
                          Everyone laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he'll wager £50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus canít play.
                          A guy walks up with a guitar and puts it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Eric Clapton. The guitar man pays up his £50.
                          Another guy comes up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays like Miles Davis.
                          This guy pays his £50.
                          Then a Scotsman hands over a set of bagpipes. The octopus fumbles with it for a minute and then sits down with a confused look.
                          "Ha," the Scot says. "Can ye no play it?" The Octopus looks at him and says: "Play it? Iím going to make love to it as soon as I figure out how to get these pyjamas off..."

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            ha ha ha MM....that was good!

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Another great one from you, MM, but it has mah wee active and devious mind wondering - - What are those bagpipers doing with their hands? Och, it disnae bear thinking aboot!

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                No Undies

                                The Englishman's wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to
                                place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of
                                underwear.

                                "Good God, woman! Why aren't you wearing any knickers?" her husband
                                demanded.

                                "Well, you don't give me enough housekeeping money to afford any."

                                The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, "For the
                                sake of decency, here's £30. Go and buy yourself some underwear."

                                Next, the Irishman's wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her
                                skirt also blows up to show that she is wearing no undies.

                                "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You've no knickers. Why not?"

                                She replies, "I can't afford any on the money you give me."

                                He reaches into his pocket and says, "For the sake of decency, here's
                                £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear!"

                                Lastly, the Scotsman's wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt
                                over her head to reveal that she, t! oo, is naked under it.

                                "Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie! Where the frig are yer drawers?"

                                She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd
                                any."

                                The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love 'o
                                Jasus, 'n the sake of decency, here's a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit."
                                .


                                .

                                Comment

                                Working...
                                X