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The Bite !

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  • The Bite !

    Having far too much time on my hands and, having watched a re-run of another of those revisionist vampire films, Blade II, it made me think about the practicalities of feeding, vampire-style.

    Most vampire films etc show vampires as being just like us, perhaps with a peely-wally skin colour, but generally 100% humanoid in form. That means they have the same facial features as us humans (aka potential food) including the same form of teeth as us, but with those loooong pointy canine teeth on the upper jaw.

    When you see the result of a movie vampire bite, you see 2 bite holes on the neck, from Hammer Horror to Vampire Diaries. Some victims are drained in one go, others are savoured over a period of time and several visits.

    My question is, how do these vampires bite and leave only 2 canine fang holes ? You just try biting something larger than your mouth that way. You won’t ever make 2 neat fang holes. Even if you have extra long canines, you won’t. You will always leave the imprint of your front teeth and likely, your bottom teeth too. So in that form, favoured by Twilight and Vampire Diaries, a neck bite would leave a full bite mark, a nocturnal hickey. The only way a humanoid vampire could leave two canine holes is for said long canine teeth to point out from the mouth at about 45 degrees and stab with a head jerk rather than biting.

    Real vampire bats bite using their front top incisors, leaving clean holes. They also have conical skulls so that these incisors are the first thing you meet when it opens its gob. Nothing to get in the way and no bottom teeth to speak of.

    Surely then, it would make much more sense for a vampire have a more of a pointy, projecting face, with its vampire teeth right at the front and no teeth or only short teeth on the bottom jaw. That is a bit more like what we saw in Nosferatu and Mr Barlow of Salem’s Lot. Less of the suave smoulderingly-sexy vampire (with emphasis on vamp) and more on the undead hideous creature with monstrous features.

    Meanwhile, I’ll continue to shake my head at these latest offerings. I mean Blade II – Kate Beckinsdale is told by her vampire dad/leader that she was born as a vampire. How the hell can a vampire be born ? They’re dead for Gawd’s sake ! Vampires can only be made - sort of like an undead Goodfellas.

    I guess I’m getting too old and boring !

    Any thoughts ?

  • #2
    I guess you are

    Picking holes in a perfectly good highly improbable characteristic of a bloody ridiculous b grade movie genre


    • #3
      Vampire Diaries and other movies or tv shows like it would not be nearly as fun to watch if those smoulderingly-sexy vamps looked like the creature from Salems Lot. That was one scary looking vampire or whatever it was. Nobody wants to watch an ugly vampire make a mess out of his woman's neck.


      • #4
        True ! I'm getting old and grumpy and guess I want a bit of "authenticity" and see vampires as from beyond humanity, perhaps human-like and able to change into true unearthly form - a bit like Gary Oldman's Dracula monster !

        I can't really get into these boy-band vampires we see these days. For me, vampires are cruel and monstrous, Nosferatu/demon-like.

        Mind you, going against my argument, I still love The Lost Boys, canine fangs and all - and the best music in any horror flick !

        Coming to think about it, I've never been into monster-flix like Frankenstein, Jason, Freddie Krueger, hills have eyes, Saw etc.

        I prefer to get thrills from very frightening ghost movies and also tales of possession (though I see possession as a pschological condition and see exorcism as a form of placebo, though one which may work on a believer*) and demonology. The trouble is, most films in the genre are rubbish.

        *Can an atheist become possessed and be cured by exorcism ? I doubt it.


        • #5
          I have never thought about picking holes that way and it is pretty interesting. For me it's all because film directors usually what to make sure that people will understand everything. So picking holes should look special. It's normal that one day you start to think about films different way and try to find out if they are possibly real. I think that horror films about ghousts are better too. Thanks for The Ring and Omen. It would be very boring without them.


          • #6
            Really good horror films are few and far between. Nowadays it's all blood and guts and not even remotely scary. Or they take a good scary movie and make a thousand sequels and then it's just no fun anymore. I love the horror genre and now my boys love it too. It's fun watching some of the older movies with them like the Lost Boys. That's a cult favorite. Every once in a while you get a really good one like Dracula (with Gary Oldman) or Interview with a Vampire. I loved the ending on that one. The demonic posession movies are good too but you're right most of them are trash. I think the Exorcism of Emily Rose was the last good one I saw and I wished I never had.