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  • Help please

    I have a soon to be 4 year old that is verry strog willed!!! What can i do to get her to behave I am at the end of my rope i need info soon please. thaz

  • #2
    Just a few thoughts--of course no one has the solution to every problem like this!

    Make every effort to let her know that you are both on the same team. It helps to keep in mind that four-year-olds are just beginning to have some control over their life. At this age, control is an amazing and exciting concept, and takes a lot of practice to learn how to use it.

    Key point #1-don't give in just because you're tired
    Key point #2-don't disagree for the sake of arguing...take time to make sure your child knows you will listen to her.

    But it is a lot easier to talk about the concepts, than to actually know exactly what to do when your child goes bonkers because she can't have the candy or toy that she wants NOW.

    Have you read any parenting books? If you can spend some time in a bookstore, or on Amazon.com...and browse through a few, maybe you can find one that fits your situation.

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    • #3
      Thaz

      Thaz so much that is a big help! and i will do that and i am new to this but if you want to talk just let me know it would help me a lot to talk to some one well latter

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      • #4
        Hi Jessica - good luck with your daughter. I've still got a few years to go til my son reaches that age but we are just entering the "terrible twos" so I have some experience of tantrums.

        I'd recommend anything by Jo Frost - she does a program called Supernanny over here and has appeared on Nanny 911 in the states. I don't know if you are familiar with her but we've been using some of her techniques - the naughty corner and time out - with our little boy and it's starting to work.

        Good luck!

        Lets hope we can breath life into this parenting forum!

        Fluffette x

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        • #5
          Nanny 911 is great, some of the tantrums made my eyes pop out. Brought back memories

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          • #6
            lack of posts

            does no-one ever post around here? i ahave to go back 100 days!!!
            evelynxoxo

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            • #7
              Originally posted by eyoung
              does no-one ever post around here? i ahave to go back 100 days!!!
              evelynxoxo
              It seems as if no -one has anything they need to ask, sooner or later they will...lolol

              I wonder how Jessica is getting on, I hope she calls in and tells us !!

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              • #8
                I found around kids that it helped tremendously to keep the rules few and simple... and then to be CONSISTENT in enforcing them. Every parent will get challenged now and again, but the parents who get challenged by their kids the most often are the ones who are the least consistent and don't make the rules clear.... (sometimes "no" means mommy will give in if i keep it up....)

                I keep thinking about the whining we all see in the stores... some kids whine, beg, tantrum, etc, because they know they can sometimes get mommy or daddy to give in and they've got little to lose by trying. It then becomes their extortion... to wear mommy and daddy down or embarrass them enough that they give in, or to appear so miserable that mommy or daddy feels the hero at making them happy with candy. But it doesn't make them happy in the long run, because they learn how to be discontent whenever they don't get their way and their candy or silly toy and absolutely any impulse they have. What a sorry lesson to teach them for life! Kids with parents who don't give in to extortion have happier kids and they'll be happier adults.... they learn how to be happy themselves without a whatsit or getting others to give in unhappily. Tell the kids before the shopping trip whether or not they will get a treat this time... and then don't give in in the heat of the moment. If they ask for something say no ONCE... and ONCE ONLY... if they ask again, or whenever they ask in a whine or demand don't respond at all! Act like you're completely DEAF and they'll soon learn they have to ask nicely to have any chance at all and that no really means no.

                When i babysat many different kids, i always made the rules clear, the kids knew they would get ONE warning and one answer, and they knew if they didn't listen to the warning the punishment would be a time out (or i'd quit playing, or whatever, depending on their age and the situation). I tried always to give a warning... this is how they learned to mind my word. In a sense, they learned they had control in this way... they could choose what would happen... their world seemed a lot more secure to them, too, because knowing the rules and how you will respond makes it so. Sometimes i've seen parents punish without giving a warning to stop... this is terrible. The child only learns then that punishment is unavoidable, and their world isn't secure. I wouldn't yell at the kids (unless they were running into the street!), we wouldn't get into any struggles or arguments, they didn't feel like i disapproved of them ever... only bad or dangerous behavior. It established their strong trust in me. It worked really well for their parents and the kids and me, and we were all very happy with it and had a good time together.

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                • #9
                  Hey everyone I'm Jessica D I lost my password I tryed the forgot password thing but it was not working right Anyways I just wanted to let you all know that I have tryed what you have said and it has worked somewhat I'm still looking for something that will help with my now 5 year old...

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                  • #10
                    There is a very good parenting website at Parents Lounge. It's UK based but foreigners are also welcome.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Ambriel View Post
                      There is a very good parenting website at Parents Lounge. It's UK based but foreigners are also welcome.
                      Ok I'll try that thanks!!!

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                      • #12
                        Hi Jessie, This is something that worked for me. Take a calender and every day that your daughter behaves well (or even close to well) place a star on that day. Then, at the end of the week if she has at least five (or whatever you consider enough) stars she can receive a treat that was agreed upon at the begining of the week. My strong willed child is 35 years old now and absolutely wonderfull! Good luck, I hope you have time to let us know how you are both doing.

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