JOKE

[OCEANBREEZE]

One day a group of eminent scientists got together and decided that Man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were cone with Him.

The scientists walked up to God and said, "God we've decided that we no longer need You. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't You just retire?"

God listened very patiently to the man and then said, "Very well, but first, how about this, let's have a Man-making contest."

To which the scientists replied, "Ok, great!"

But God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like i did back in the old days with Adam."

The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a hadful of dirt.

God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no you go get your own dirt!"

[naebo_s]

Apparently it was Adam.

He "turned over a leaf and made an entry".

[OCEANBREEZE]

sick joke

[NZman]

One day a group of eminent scientists got together and decided that Man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were cone with Him.

The scientists walked up to God and said, "God we've decided that we no longer need You. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't You just retire?"

God listened very patiently to the man and then said, "Very well, but first, how about this, let's have a Man-making contest."

To which the scientists replied, "Ok, great!"

But God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like i did back in the old days with Adam."

The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a hadful of dirt.

God just looked at him and said, "No, no, no you go get your own dirt!"

And the scientist said "I ain't getting dirt dude, I is getting a handful of toxic waste. 100% science made, you had b*gg*r all to do with it"

As the scientist was fashioning his toxic avenger, he turned to god and said. " I is sooooo surprised to find out that you is a woman, and what fantastic hooters you has" And at that moment God blushed her second blush when she witnessed the scientists secret ingredient

Love the NZman

[NZman]

Clergyman's Method of Discipline

A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. The two were always getting into trouble and their parents could be assured that if any mischief occurred in their town their two young sons were in some way involved.
The parents were at their wits end as to what to do about their sons' behavior. The mother had heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so she asked her husband if he thought they should send the boys to speak with the clergyman.
The husband said, "We might as well. We need to do something before I really lose my temper!"
The clergyman agreed to speak with the boys, but asked to see them individually. The 8-year-old went to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?"
Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD?" At that, the boy bolted from the room and ran directly home, slamming himself in his closet.
His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"
The younger brother replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time. God is missing and they think we did it!"

Going Down?

There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so she did a lot of flying. Flying made her very, very nervous, so she always took her Bible along with her to read as it helped relax her on the long flights.
One time, she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible, he gave a little chuckle and smirk and went back to what he was doing.
After awhile, he turned to her and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"
The lady replied, "Of course I do. It is the Bible."
He said, "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?"
She replied, "Oh, Jonah. Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible."
He asked, "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"
The lady said, "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him."
"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.
"Then you can ask him," replied the lady.

Love the NZman

[OCEANBREEZE]

thanks NZman!! those were good ones!
bekkaroo

[Savo]

Some New Proverbs



If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Savo