Things you need to know before getting married

[DistantCelt]

I dunno about trying to find out about the girl first anymore......
I have always been the kind who likes to be friends first before getting intimate- my last 3 girlfriends were my friends for atleast a year-year and half before we started going out...
But lately, that doesnt seem to work anymore.....my last girlfriend was a total basket-case, who couldnt move on from friend to 'girlfriend' category...lately, i find that a lotta women pigeonhole- ie, once they consider you a 'friend', yer never gonna go to the boyfriend category....

Also, i find that the relationships that involved a former friend were far more heartbreaking and gut-wrenching breakups than breaking up with a girl i hooked up at the bar...
Plus nobody wants to work in a relationship anymore.....the moment things get less than perfect( which inevitably seems to happen after a year or so of going out), people pack up and leave....i have had that happen to me and i see that regularly amongst my friends....
Or maybe there arnt many 22-23 year olds who want a serious relationship....i've kinda given up on that for now...guess i ent finding anyone half-serious for atleast another 5-6 years.

Oh and another thing- to most men, it cant be platonic if he thinks the girl is cute/sexy.

[PRgirl]

Originally posted by DistantCelt
I dunno about trying to find out about the girl first anymore......

PRgirl: DC, keep trying to be friends and just share some quality time with friends who are females who you might think would make fine girlfriends or wives. Because they have qualities you like. Don't give up on that at all.

I have always been the kind who likes to be friends first before getting intimate- my last 3 girlfriends were my friends for atleast a year-year and half before we started going out...

PRgirl: Good idea. You might find a woman like I was, who starts seeing you as true boyfriend material just from hanging out with each other and talking.

But lately, that doesnt seem to work anymore.....my last girlfriend was a total basket-case, who couldnt move on from friend to 'girlfriend' category...lately, i find that a lotta women pigeonhole- ie, once they consider you a 'friend', yer never gonna go to the boyfriend category....

PRgirl: a lot of dumb women out there DC. On an emotional level a lot of dumb women. Looking for foolish notions of who knows what. You are like Scottish Republican but a younger version. And you have intelligence galore. Plus education, and some funds too. Plus, I will let you in on a tiny secret. I find men of your ethnic group to be the best looking men in the world. I don't know how you look like. But, to me men who are mixed ethnically like you are. Look really good. You are young DC, take your time looking for a wife or life partner. Just enjoy being you. Do the things that you find pleasurable and meaningful. You aren't going to be a pigeonhole. You will find the right partner. But, enjoy your youth too DC. My husband married at 23 years of age. And believe me DC, he had 'proposals' for affairs from the unlikeliest sources. Some who I consider women of incredible beauty. One of them a Chilean girl with his very same interests and they had so many fine conversations. She was 23 years old and my husband at the time 35, and they took a Latin American Lit class together. My husband for fun, and she for her Master's degree. She met me, and she was a friend. The prettiest green eyed girl who was beautiful and still is beautiful, she remains her first name was Lisa. And young and all the rest. She fell for my husband hard. And later on after she moved away to NYC to pursue her career there, she called me years later and confessed she loved my husband, and when she was a lot younger had made a pass at him. And he politely pushed her away at the time and said he was married and that he had no interest in her. She says that was the first man she ever met who was completely honorable and who LOVED his wife more than anything in the world (she said in Spanish 'el solo tenia ojos para ti. Donde consigo un hombre con ojos para mi nada mas?' It translates to, 'he only has eyes for you. Where do I find a man who only has eyes for me?' I THINK MEN MUST BE BLIND TO NOT HAVE EYES for that most Beautiful girl Lisa. She was pretty inside, and outside too. Yet so many men just don't see her ( I have no idea why not to this day). She also said she had failed to find a man like him for many years. And had lost hope of ever finding one like my husband. I was surprised as hell. She cried and told me she was ashamed to speak to me, and only after many years confessed recently. What is happening out there with the singles? It is strange. Everyone is afraid of taking risks of some kind. Emotional risks are avoided. But risking is what makes people come out winning. All great rewards come with great risks. And that is especially true with emotionally significant relationships DC. But for you, HAVE A GOOD TIME and relax and enjoy yourself. You have plenty of time.


Also, i find that the relationships that involved a former friend were far more heartbreaking and gut-wrenching breakups than breaking up with a girl i hooked up at the bar...

PRgirl: Risk. Risk the heart and the mind and the body with the right person. If you don't, you will not have reached for your deepest desires in life. No vivas la vida a medias. Don't live your life in half-measures DC. But, in your case of youth, and etc. you got the world in front of you. And a bright future young man of such extraordinary intelligence, and spirit, and fun. Enjoy these years you got without serious responsibilities except exploring the intellect and sharing yourself with those you love. That is enough.

Plus nobody wants to work in a relationship anymore.....the moment things get less than perfect( which inevitably seems to happen after a year or so of going out), people pack up and leave....i have had that happen to me and i see that regularly amongst my friends....
Or maybe there arnt many 22-23 year olds who want a serious relationship....i've kinda given up on that for now...guess i ent finding anyone half-serious for atleast another 5-6 years.

PRgirl: LOL, don't make me laugh DC!! You have given up at what? 23 years of age? You got a lot of 'experimenting' to do young man!! Live and learn. Yes, many women don't want the work involved. But for the right man that right woman will work HARD on it. Guaranteed. All good things take hard work, as I stated before. Including a conjugal relationship. You should enjoy all that freedom you presently have. To its full extent. Yet be cautious with the physical stuff, there are deadly diseases running around. My theory is that you should not be sleeping or having intercourse with a young woman if you don't really want to wake up next to her for the next thirty years of your life. If you want a fling. Stay home by yourself. It is less heartbreaking. For empty sex, I think it is best no sex at all. Sex is a two edged sword (no pun intended), it should be done with a whole heart and a whole mind and complete committment and involvement. With absolute concentration and with skill. Focus. Again, for half measures, better to stay by yourself, than be involved in an unfulfilling and empty relationship that is ultimately superficial. Go for depth always. If you do, the physical and the mental and the emotional will coalesce and bring such JOY!! You won't need another thing in the world. Or anyone else for that matter either!


Oh and another thing- to most men, it cant be platonic if he thinks the girl is cute/sexy.

PRgirl: DC, my husband explained the male hormone to me one day. Lol. But, still, at least appear to be interested in what she is saying and about her 'relationships' to others. If you think she is smart and fun, and so on great. But think deeply if she is someone you can't live without. If you can't live without her and your life is dull and lifeless without her in it, then SHE is the right woman for you. Without a doubt Distant Celt. And hey this Boricua thinks you are downright attractive. I like informed, inquisitive, intelligent and thoughtful men. And you are one of those. Oh, how I wish you could have met my first cousin Mar. She is about your age. She is beautiful. She was runner up something for Miss Puerto Rico, with long legs and huge blue eyes, and long brown hair. Smart as a whip too. And quiet and sweet. And very nice. But some smart guy snapped her up. Too bad. She is getting married in December. Otherwise I would have recommended you emailed her. LOL. I like you. But, you should just relax and let the world come to you first DC. You got so many good things happening! Queen's college, engineering school, well off family, international travel, living in a beautiful city, good health, beautiful genes there and culture that is ancient yet modern. You got it all. You are fit to be highly envied by many!! Such a life!! Simpaticon don't lose hope DC. You got too many good things to count.

[WeeButtons]

Originally posted by DrJames
http://www.rtms.netfirms.com/premarital.html


Jump on this link now.

[i]lol..

Honestly, where do people find the time? lol.. I read it, well most of it.. got bored started to skim..

I dont agree with the majority of the stuff in that. And I can't tell if it was a man or a women whom wrote it.. but OMG.. lol.. how rude is this section:

AGE COMPATIBILITY.

Abraham was ten years older that his wife. When the man and a the woman is on the same age, you cannot ask that woman to be subjective to that man. A girl is much more mature and advance than a boy of same age. This is like putting a man who do not have an high school diploma, to be the supervisor of a man that has a Master’s degree. Age mean a lot, also as women age, their sex drive tend to go off line, incomparable with men. This might be offensive to some women, but if happiness is what you are shopping for you better take age into account. Even though, this is not true in all cases. Because some old woman can keep a young boy up all night.

lol.. Firstly if I was a man, I'd be insulted. How can Men accept generalization to that extent? I dont agree with that at all. I know men older then me that are far more imature, I know men my age and younger that are maturer then me. People can't be generalized, nor should they be. Everyone is different, and people need to realize that..

Also, womens sex drives do not die down as they get older, in fact from all my experiences in talking with women it increases. I don't know if that is a known study or not, but its been said a million times before, that women peak later on in life and men die down in their 20's.. lol. but that again is a study of generalization.

I read a lot of self help books.. and I've attended several learning "self help" sessions about all sorts of things from Drug abuse to relationships, and all I am left thinking is "how can someone make millions of dollars on a book that puts one race (men) or (women) in the same catagory? Its just insane.. everyone is different, therefore everyone needs to be dealt with differently, and only way to know that, is to experiance them.

Marriage is just tricky.. Plain and simple. It dont' fail because of one thing or another that is put in Text. It fails because the bond is dead. It fails because the sex is non existance. It fails because of abuse, infidility, etc.. you name it. There are tons of reasons. And not every marriage can be fixed, saved or healed.

[DrJames]

""I read a lot of self help books.. and I've attended several learning "self help" sessions about all sorts of things from Drug abuse to relationships, and all I am left thinking is "how can someone make millions of dollars on a book that puts one race (men) or (women) in the same catagory? Its just insane.. everyone is different, therefore everyone needs to be dealt with differently, and only way to know that, is to experiance them.""

""Marriage is just tricky.. Plain and simple. It dont' fail because of one thing or another that is put in Text. It fails because the bond is dead. It fails because the sex is non existance. It fails because of abuse, infidility, etc.. you name it. There are tons of reasons. And not every marriage can be fixed, saved or healed.""


You have problem, and are not willing to face the bull.
I have seen it witht this same triend, and later on the person confessed that the triend was good.

[WeeButtons]

Originally posted by DrJames
[BYou have problem, and are not willing to face the bull.
I have seen it witht this same triend, and later on the person confessed that the triend was good.[/b]

[i]Well yes I guess I do have a problem. My problem is everyone trying to convience other people that they have all the answers to everyone in General when in fact, no one answer could fit all cases..

My attendance of Group meetings, was to educate myself. Several years ago, I had a girlfriend who found out her Boyfriend had contracted Aids.. I attended group meetings with her for support, thus learning things for myself. When I was also younger, I attended Allon meetings.. so that I can learn how to deal with all the messed up stuff I went thru as a Child. I read relationship books to try to understand how somethings get mixed up.. and you know what.. My stance on it all is that TOO many people try to pass the buck. Blame someone else. Blame a failed marriage on false things so that others will accept their decisions. Too many Drug uses or Alcholics blame their parents.. WHEN in fact, if you already know what your doing is wrong.. then how the heck can you blame someone else..

Take responsibility for your actions. Make a decision based on your happiness and MOVE ON

Just because someone chooses to educate themselves with all the BAD things in this world does not mean they have problems.. and I dare to suggest DJ that it is you with the problem. Your problem is, that I disagree and you just don't understand why anyone would disagree with you? is that it?

I have a right to my own opinions.. and my own beliefs.. Don't pass judgement... it's not your place

[smb]

Originally posted by DrJames

In most case it is the rogues that reply, and to get them to reply you have to have something for them to pick on.

The amount of rogues that reply can tell us how many good guyes are being bless.

Hahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, lordddddddddddd

You say you're a Christian, but yet you use God's name in vain...

Very interesting...

[DrJames]

To fight a concept, you will need another concept. To fight a doctrine you will need another doctrines. The articles that I put up, none of you brain wiz do not show one line that is wrong. You just come out and say it is wrong. You reminded me of some people who was trying to try lynching OJ Simpson. “ He is guilty as hell” What prove do you have?” The person reply,” He is guilty as hell” How do you know he is guilty? “He is guilty as hell.”

Now you need to go back to the article and dissect it. Show a line or a paragraph, or a sentence, or a page that is wrong. Only then I can really converse with you.
Right now I can only concluded that the article is true and is hurting you, and because you are n old granny who is set in her ways and cannot change, the article as stuck in you throat like a fish hook and you can only belch out accusations.


I am hurting you he?? Hhhhahahahhah. No I only want to heal your life. Sisters.

Matthew 19:11 (NASB)
But He said to them, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given.