Theories of Love, part 2.... :)

[jwrw_66]

that last thread brings to mind a quote which i read on this website

"dont settle for the one you can live with, wait for the one you cant live without"

thats my two cents

JW

[HollyElise]

Well Shandapanda, i'm not sure i agree you are full of hope.

You certainly want true love. But i think it is very clear you don't expect to get it... that you feel there is not much love out there. And you are focussing on all the creeps out there. You will find what you look for, and expecting the bad is not hope.

You have taught me something.

I had begun to think falling in love has a lot to do with faith. Now i'm more convinced than ever, and you have shown me there are two parts to this faith....

1. Faith in people. Faith in the one person in particular. Not expecting them to be perfect, but just that they are good for you and you will try to be for them and faith that you can find a way to work together and be happy, or part amicably if it's not working. Trusting their motives, and that they are a good person, just not perfect, but they don't have to be because no one is.

2. Faith in your self and your own value. Trusting you can descriminate healthy relationships from unhealthy ones so you seek your own council often and early, when any problems will still be tiny and can be resolved or it's easier to leave. Not hiding your head in the sand, yet not being distrustful, either. Being willing to let go closeness with people who are not good for you, because you have faith that good friends and true love is out there and plentiful. That seeking and being true to yourself guarantees you will find it.

Healthy relationships and wonderful love almost never happen to someone who is suspicious, angry, desperate, or hates themselves. They wind up being a magnet for unhealthy relationships. Your friend with the stormy relationship sounds like a good example.

It stands to reason then that trust, happiness (on your own), independent security, and self love are essential ingredients to healthy relationships. The more you work on these qualities, the more you attract true love.

What about the person who always seems to go for bad relationships? Can they break their pattern and fall in love with someone capable of a healthy relationship?

I've seen it happen, but only when there was a huge upset in the person's life first, like their father dying. My friend L always went for scary types and we were always worried about her, but when her father was dying i introduced her to a guy friend of mine who's father was also dying. They were not each other's "types"... but first they comforted eachother, but then they saw they admired each other and that the relationship was really good. They fell in love. They are married now and have a beautiful girl.

But could you do this without the life upset? Could you change your pattern and start finding all the good relationships out there? I think you can. But how to go about it?