Chuckle Chuckle

[Talon]

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whisky at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.

As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.

Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.

Several minutes later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself. He raised his kilt...and saw where the blue ribbon was tied. After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said...

"I dinna know where y'been lad...but it's nice ta'know y'won first prize!"

[Mistress]

[i]LOL...........



Very cute!

[Talon]

Jessie was out for a walk and came to a river and saw Maggie on the opposite bank. "Hello there," she shouts, "how can I get to the other side?" Maggie looked up the river, then down the river, then shouted back, "You ARE on the other side."

[Talon]

In the middle of a foggy night in the North-west Atlantic.....two lights are heading directly for one another... and on the radio an American(US), voice is heard saying "We suggest you alter course by 10 degrees to port".

Back comes the reply "We suggest YOU alter course by 10 degrees to port!"

Then the Murkin voice says "This is the battleship USS Missouri leading the American Atlantic battle fleet. You had better alter course by 10 degrees to port."

Back comes the reply "This is the Butt of Lewis Lighthouse, but it's your call, Jimmy".

[Talon]

A young Scots lad and lass were sitting on a low dyke holding hands and just gazing out over the loch.
For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus?"
"Well, uh, I was thinkin'. . .maybe it's aboot time for a wee kiss."
The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
Then he blushed.
Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus?"
The young man knit his brow."Well, now," he said, "my thoughts are a bit more serious this time."


"Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

"Aye," said the lad. "D'ye no think it's aboot time ye paid me that first penny?"

[Talon]

I was walking down a very busy road the other day, and the pavement was so narrow I was crammed up against the wall to stay away from the cars passing by. I nearly lost an arm every time a car passed me on the outside which was often on that busy street. Amoungst the noise of the traffic I noticed a beautiful looking woman walking towards me on the same side of the street, also bothered by the tight walkway we shared. There was no chance of us crossing the road to get out of each others way.. and she was so sexy, I wanted to be a gentleman but I didn't know what to do!


Toss myself off or block her passage.



he he he he he he



[Edited by Talon on 31st March 2004 at 23:48]

[Talon]

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did *not* cross the road

Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, "What the heck was this *chicken* doing walking around all over the place anyway?"

Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but it will lay eggs, file your important documents AND balance your checkbook. Unfortunately, when it divides 3 by 2 it gets
1.4999999999.

Oliver Stone: The question is not "Why did the chicken cross the road? "But is rather "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"

Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep him down.

Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Buddha: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

Ralph Waldo Emerson: The chicken did not cross the road - it transcended it.

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?