A poem for a great nation.

[DarthKiltie]

A handsome young man was impressed with his looks
And he fancied himself quite a lover
But he needed a great deal to learn about women.
He was destined this soon to discover

Once he spotted a pretty your girl on the corner
And adorning a disarming smile,
He bowed from the waist, and taking her hand,
He asked if she'd chat for awhile.

"I'd much like to sit 'neath an oak tree with you
Looking up at a shining new moon."
This was the start of a line that he used,
But he lived to regret it quite soon.

"Your beauty has overwhelmed me," he said
"Oh, you're such a pretty young miss.
Would you consent to give me a thrill,
And allow me your soft cheek to kiss?"

"Oh indeed, you may kiss my soft cheek," she replied
But only the one I've selected.
Then she turned her cheek for him to kiss,
But it wasn't the cheek he'd expected!

From that time on, when he tried out a line
On a girl he intended on spooning,
He could never forgot that embarassing time
When a pretty girl gave him a mooning



Boom tish!!

[JackUnion]

I lay in bed, I thought 'twas dead
But for the pain, I can't explain
The pounding dread, within my head
Why won't it wane, cries out my brain.

Broken filling, dental drilling
O' curse the bane, of toothache pain
I'd be killing, if God's willing
To cease refrain of molar's pain.

What can relieve and grant reprieve
From curse, the bane, of toothache pain
It will alleve, I must believe
Or will abstain, from life mundane.

I cry aloud, I am not proud
Down on my knees, O' help me please
To God I vowed, if he allowed
Relief to ease, the pain appease.

I hear my wife, say stop the strife
Quit whining dear, or I do fear
I'll get a knife, to end your life
To me was clear, the end was near.

Consternation, tribulation
But then I see, it came to me
Inspiration, jubilation
Tylenol three, O' come to me.

I took the pill, and downed with swill
Pain's vacation, pure elation
It fit the bill, the blessed pill
Transcend dental medication.

[ScotKat]

LMAO
I like those last two esp the one about toothache
Here is one I have always liked' A Drunkard's Dream'

Tom Gray lay down on the bar room floor
having drunk so much he could drink no more.
So he fell asleep with a troubled brain
to dream as he rode the Hell Bound Train.

The engine with blood was red and damp
and brilliantly lit with a brimstone lamp.
An Imp for coal was shoveling bones
while the furnace rang with endless groans.
The boiler was filled with Lager and beer
and the devil himself was the engineer.

The passengers made a motley crew.
church member, atheist, gentile and jew.
Rich men in broadcloth, beggars in rags
handsome young ladies and withered old hags.
Yellow men, black men, red, brown and white
and chained together, a horrible sight.
While rained dashed on at an awful pace
and a hot wind wind scorced their hands and face.

Wilder and wilder the country grew
as faster and faster the engine flew.
Louder and louder the thunder crashed
brighter and brighter the lightening flashed.
Hotter and hotter the air became
till the clothes were burnt from each quiverering frame.
And in the distance there raised a yell:
"HA-HA" croaked the devil, we're heading for hell!!

Then, oh!! howthe passengers shrieked with pain
and begged the devil to stop the train.
But he capered about and sang with gleee,
and laughed and joke at their agony.

"My faithful friends, you have done my work
and the devil can never a pay day shirk"
You have bullied the weak, you have robbed the poor,
and the starving brother, you turned from the door.

You have laid up gold where the canker rusts
and gave free vent to your fleshly lusts.
You have justice scourned and corruption sown
so the devil himself must claim his own.

You have drunk and rioted, murdered and lied
and mocked at God in your hell-born pride.
You have paid full fares so I will carry you through
for it is only right you get your just due.

The laborer always expects his hire,
so I will land you safe in my lake of fire.
Where your flesh shall roast in the flames that roar
and my imps torment you for evermore."

When Tom awoke with an awful cry
his clothes were soaked and his hair on high.
He prayed as he never prayed until that hour,
to be saved from the drink and the devil's power.
And his vows and prayers were not made in vain,
for he disembarked from that "That Hell-Bound Train."

By J. A. Howell