18 year old scottish girl looking for guys or anyboday else to chat with!!

[thespitfiredragon]

Taurus,

I'm right there with you...some guys can be really big jerks. Have you heard the epic saga of me and my most recent ex-boyfriend. Let me tell ya a little story...

I met this guy...he was not only my dream guy, but he was my very best friend. We originally met at church and because we were interested in a lot of the same things we started hanging out...that's how we got to be best friends.

Well, we fell in love. After we'd been going out for nearly a year he asked me to marry him...of course I would. He was my EVERYTHING!

Throughout the relationship Nathan was always really critical of me...of what I said, what I wore, what I did, and even little things like how I laugh and how I do my hair. Nothing would ever make him happy. But I was so in love with him that I kept trying. The only time he would say anything nice to me was when I was doing something...inappropriate...for him. It was never anything major...certainly never all the way, but far more than what I was comfortable with. When I'd tell him no he'd force me and say that he knew I'd never tell because I'd be way too scared. I spent a lot of time crying about this.

Right about that time I finally decided to talk to my parents about something I'd been hiding from them...I'd had a problem with depression that I'd been hiding since I was 12. Chemical imbalances run in my family so they took me to the doctor and I was put on medication. I started to see that doing those things didn't make Nathan love me any better. I didn't know what to do because I loved him so much.

Luckily, Nathan solved that problem for me. He stopped speaking to me entirely. One day he was telling me how much he adored me and then he never spoke to me again. It's been almost two months. Nathan is now seeing a guy named Tony that used to perform on Broadway. He's gay. Everyone said, "We saw it Megan, why couldn't you?"

My friend Aaron volunteered to fly here from Alaska and "mame Nathan beyond recognition". But I told him it was unnecessary.

That's awfully chivalrous of this guy to offer to fly all the way to Canada, but there are laws against assault and battery...even for people who deserve to be assaulted and battered.

My parents don't know any of that stuff...I know they'd still love me, but I just don't want to upset them. If your parents find out things will still be okay...parents have this amazing knack for loving their kids no matter what.

Megan

[HollyElise]

I'm so sorry to hear about what the two of you have gone through with guys. You're not immune when you're older, either. I had my own nasty experience.

Spitfire, you are really lucky to be out of that relationship. Constant criticism is very abusive, and it wears down your self esteem so you can't leave. Also... people who are abusive usually escallate their abuse as the relationship continues.

And Taurus, you ALWAYS have the right to refuse, and without reprocussions either!

It doesn't get easier to leave a bad relationship as things continue... it gets harder! You have to be strong right from the start of any relationship and not put up with any crap and make it clear that it's over if they do. If they do something you don't like, be loud and firm THE FIRST TIME. This way the "charmers"... the ones that at first seem nothing but charming but are really abusive underneath it all... won't be attracted to you. The ones that will stay and be attracted to you are real men who like healthy relationships and for their girl to be happy.

I used to think that women who get into abusive relationships couldn't see how bad the guy was, but these guys who use women, they are so GOOD at fooling women! Abusive guys can sense how much a woman will put up with (sort of like radar) and they'll wheadle and charm to test you and see what they can get away with, always pushing just a little further. If you're not firm, these losers won't be the first in your lives, so please, don't be afraid to be strong, and don't be afraid to lose them. The only guys you could lose by not being strong are the ones not worth having.

[taurus]

hi guys!!

first of megan im very sorry about that guy but it is a good thing that you got out of it. some things parents are better not knowing. i know that from experience. holly you make some very good points....when it comes to guys im always as strong as i can be...but for the most part the guys that ive liked or have gone out with have turned out to be real jerks.

i know that i have the right to say no but im kinda curious about this guy...he seems really nice!! hes only comming for a day or two so its no that long which is good. but im still a little weary of this guy but i will keep you guys updated on what happens

as i said before he could be all talk, i know some guys that are like that all talk and no action. but we shall see what happens!!

taurus

[thespitfiredragon]

Taurus and Holly,

I know how lucky I am to be out of that relationship and I'm really grateful.

I used to think that women that stayed in abusive relationships must be crazy...no matter what kind of abuse it was. I always said something like that could never happen to me. Then it did. If anything, the experience taught me to have more compassion.

This was the first "abusive" relationship that I was in. And it was so gradual. If it would have started out as bad as it was at the end Nathan never would have gotten anywhere with me.

What I don't understand is why he even bothered to treat me the way he did when he was just gay. I know he felt something for me...I mean, he proposed and everything and talked about spending our lives together. It was weird.

Taurus, I wouldn't worry too much about the guy coming. When was the last time he mentioned it? I mean, if he does come..that will be an interesting story to hear.

[taurus]

hey megan!!

you know that question had enered my mind when you fist told uz...why would he treat you that bad if he was in fact gay?? that question i asked myself and wondered about and i still dont know why he would do that. At least you learned things from your experience

the guy mentioned commin over a day or to ago but im not gonna worry about it ne more im just gonna wait and see what happens....but if he does come it sure will make an interseting story to tell ppl and it will be an interesting experience.

ill keep u guys updated

Taurus

[HollyElise]

Originally posted by thespitfiredragon
I used to think that women that stayed in abusive relationships must be crazy...no matter what kind of abuse it was. I always said something like that could never happen to me. Then it did. If anything, the experience taught me to have more compassion.

This was the first "abusive" relationship that I was in. And it was so gradual. If it would have started out as bad as it was at the end Nathan never would have gotten anywhere with me.

YEP!... that's how they happen... gradually! And yes, the same thing happened to me.... I never thought it would happen to me, i thought i was too "smart" and then one day, here i was in the thick of it and really messed up. It taught me more compassion, too, Megan... and i'm less quick to judge now because i can appreciate how subtly it begins and how confusing it can be.

As for why he treated you that way when he's gay... all i can say is, a great many people i've met are torn in more than one direction, and sometimes they don't even know it. I'm afraid what you went through is not all that unusual.

And Taurus... good luck!... i hope he turns out to be as you would like.

[thespitfiredragon]

Taurus and Holly,

This ex of mine is one perplexing guy indeed. Now he's not openly "OUT" with this guy... He's been hanging out with this really popular girl that thinks he's amazing. I see him beginning the same cycle with her that he did with me and I really don't know what to do. I feel like there's some female code of honor that demands that I give this girl a heads-up, but I don't even know that she'd believe me. Everyone else knows though! And he's acting more gay than he ever did! I don't even really like this girl, but I feel SO bad for her.

Holly, hopefully I won't get suckered into that same situation again, but now at least I know that I'm not bulletproof. I'll definitely be on the lookout. I'm just trying not to be jaded. Now I look at guys and either assume they're probably jerks...or that they're probably gay. It's really weird.

Taurus, I'm sure this thing with the guy will go fine...he might now even come. But keep me posted!