Having far too much time on my hands and, having watched a re-run of another of those revisionist vampire films, Blade II, it made me think about the practicalities of feeding, vampire-style.
Most vampire films etc show vampires as being just like us, perhaps with a peely-wally skin colour, but generally 100% humanoid in form. That means they have the same facial features as us humans (aka potential food) including the same form of teeth as us, but with those loooong pointy canine teeth on the upper jaw.
When you see the result of a movie vampire bite, you see 2 bite holes on the neck, from Hammer Horror to Vampire Diaries. Some victims are drained in one go, others are savoured over a period of time and several visits.
My question is, how do these vampires bite and leave only 2 canine fang holes ? You just try biting something larger than your mouth that way. You won’t ever make 2 neat fang holes. Even if you have extra long canines, you won’t. You will always leave the imprint of your front teeth and likely, your bottom teeth too. So in that form, favoured by Twilight and Vampire Diaries, a neck bite would leave a full bite mark, a nocturnal hickey. The only way a humanoid vampire could leave two canine holes is for said long canine teeth to point out from the mouth at about 45 degrees and stab with a head jerk rather than biting.
Real vampire bats bite using their front top incisors, leaving clean holes. They also have conical skulls so that these incisors are the first thing you meet when it opens its gob. Nothing to get in the way and no bottom teeth to speak of.
Surely then, it would make much more sense for a vampire have a more of a pointy, projecting face, with its vampire teeth right at the front and no teeth or only short teeth on the bottom jaw. That is a bit more like what we saw in Nosferatu and Mr Barlow of Salem’s Lot. Less of the suave smoulderingly-sexy vampire (with emphasis on vamp) and more on the undead hideous creature with monstrous features.
Meanwhile, I’ll continue to shake my head at these latest offerings. I mean Blade II – Kate Beckinsdale is told by her vampire dad/leader that she was born as a vampire. How the hell can a vampire be born ? They’re dead for Gawd’s sake ! Vampires can only be made - sort of like an undead Goodfellas.
I guess I’m getting too old and boring !
Any thoughts ?