Gone

[Anonymus_Kraut]

Alas, my lass, what hast thou done,
thou didst love me or am I wrong ?
Thou brokest my heart, now thou art gone,
the pain is mine and will be long.

We were together for three years,
all that is left now are my tears.
I´m missing thee, thine warmth, thine smell,
the merry jokes thou used to tell.

I lie awake in every night,
I´m missing thee, my dear sunlight.
My nights are cold and I am sad;
I think of thee, the time we had.

But thou art gone, thou hast left me.
And in my restless slumber deep,
I dream of thee
and then
I weep.

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To be seen again !
Anon Nym

[alpin]

I am the first to admit, I may be way off here.

Your poem Is clear, the meaning is understood very well. However, in writing in the style you have, (as with anystyle, really) you need to keep it consistant.
The first line in the second stanza stood out as more modern english (and I use that term loosly) and I don't know how to fix it, in fact, it may be fine. ?
I am not sure if "I'm" is part of that language. (it may be, just doens't sound like it is, to me)
But I do know (or at least I think I know) that the "My" in stanza 3 line 2 should it be "mine"? it seems to flow better, I instinctivly read it that way... as well as the My in the last stanza, second line. Honestly, the My's in the third stanza didn't bother me, except for Maybe the one in the third line.

Remember I could be totally wrong here, it is just my humble opinion, but regardless, your poem is clear and to the point. And I did very much enjoy the sounds in the opening line. "Alas, ... lass.... and hast..."

Your last stanza breaks the rhyme scheme, but it does so effectivly. Good job.

[Anonymus_Kraut]

Well, thank thee for the critical view...
I just did not know we have Marcel Reich Ranicki here at scotland.com...
I think I will take more time to write my heart out next time I feel like it... if there will be such a time.

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To be seen again !
Anon Nym

[cambird]

Hi Anon,
newcomer here but i have been reading some of your poems and i think they are lovely
I wish someone would write poetry about me in such a way!!

They are very moving and i'm sorry but tha language is so romantic whether it is absolutly 100% correct or not i love it

[eve1102]

hi anon,
i will agree with cambird....i love it to... '


eve
happy girl