I left my heart for Scotland...

[orinocoflow]

This is dedicated to Peteman...

Alas, my love I cry no more
Since the days of yester lore.
For stories are made minute by minute
And dreams are spinned into lyrical tenets.

Alas, my love I cry no more
Of golden tresses and fancy yarn forlorn.
In shades of gray rest those eyes
Clearing fading across the western sky lines.

Alas, my love I cry no more
Into the shadows I cross the doors
Of mystery and heaven shaped spheres
Tracking the wilderness along the rear

For my heart is in the highlands
Where ever freedom knows the score
I sing to my lovely scotland, my island
My calm before the storm.

------Ode to Scotland---------Esp. Peteman

Someday I will come to your distant shore.

Love & Prosperity

Lynn

------------------
"When you collect the things that embody
strength for you,when you put them together,
when you open yourself to let each speak,
you will know something about the
sources of your strength." --Starhawk

[alpin]

You poem is beautiful in content,

I only suggest you stay consistent with it's rhyme...
you have an
a,a b,b in the first stanza, using perfect rhyme,
2nd goes a, imperfect a, b, c
3rd back to a,a b,b
4th is a, b, a, imperfect b, but the "or" sounds (line 2&4) do work well togheter.
2nd is easy enouh to fix, by changing "sky lines" to "skies"
but in that same line, "Clearing fading" too much "ing" it is a bit distracting from the beauty of the piece. Are you meaning "clearing" as in a clearing in the trees, a vision, etc,
or clearing as in vanishing? or is it meant to be a mystery? Is there a way to take out one of the "ing"'s?

[This message has been edited by alpin (edited 02 December 1999).]

[monzon]

saludos orinoco: i enjoyed your poem inmensely,because i lets me know that there are others like me in latin america with this unexplicable urge to love scotland as our own...
keep in mind that no matter what your verse looks like that the important thing is that you are the poet and you view the world thru your eyes,"to thyne own self be true"
keep up the good work....
guille

------------------
greetings earthling!


[This message has been edited by monzón (edited 03 December 1999).]

Excellent Lynn.

Oh Alpin, you're just what I need to remind me how to write poetry. Were you my 10th grade English Literature teacher per chance? Say about oh, 25 something years ago? Probably not, rats. Anyhow, thanks for the tips.

[alpin]

No, sorry, not a teacher, in fact, barely that old...... (27years)

Hey, Don't get me wrong, it is a beautiful poem, Just adding my 2 cents.....

[orinocoflow]

I am the first to admit I need assistance with rhyming schemes. I don't generally do rhyming verse. I am more of the free verse type. I have no natural sense of keeping a beat cept with my feet.

Thank you for the tip though. I guess my whole goal was to create an image, and if I was off my mark with the rhyme...to me it doesn't quite matter as much. But it doesn't mean I am not trying to get to that point where I can produce solid schemes.

I am glad you guys liked the poem..to me that is what really counts. Warm fuzzy feelings.....ahhhhhhhhh!!!

Mucho Amor y espirtu,

Lynn

[This message has been edited by orinocoflow (edited 04 December 1999).]