From a Man's Point of View

[Peaches]

A friend of mine has custody of her two granddaughters, because the girl's mother has MS and is not physically able to care for the girls. The girl's father has visiting rights, every other weekend. He divorced the mother when she was diagnosed with MS.

The father lives in a small apartment, just large enough for his needs and therefore, only has one bed to sleep in. When the girls are there for the allowed week end visitation, they all sleep in the same bed. The girls are ages 7 and 11.

The girl's grandmother, my friend, worries about this situation. I would like to have opinions from the male posters here about your thoughts on this situation. Do you think it a worrisome arrangement or not?

Before the ladies get upset and feel that their opinions do not count, please don't think that. As a mother, I know what I feel about this and therefore think you might have the same opinion as I do. I'm wanting a male's viewpoint here.

So, gentlemen, please reply with blunt honesty. Thanks.

Someone very close to me was raped by her father from the age of eight onwards. Her siblings also suffered.

While there may not be anything to worry about, appearances alone give me pause. If it were me, I'd sleep on the couch or the floor and give my kids the bed for themselves, or I'd get camping beds and make an adverture out of it for the kids. I would not ask or expect the kids to share my bed with me. It never was acceptable and in this day and age we are all so aware of child abuse that any man with the slightest bit of sense would do everything he could to avoid even the suggestion that he might be in a position to abuse his kids.

It says a lot about the man that he divorced his wife when she got MS. I know, statistically, that 90% of husbands leave a wife with MS while 90% of wives stay with a husband with MS. My wife became somewhat disabled a few years after we were married and I can't see why so many men take their marriage vows so lightly; "in sickness and in health" does not mean "through my sickness and your health, but I'm off as soon as you get a serious disease!" It's all very well saying you have your own life to live but it must be a terrible blow to someone to find they have a terrible disease, and then their partner and life-long lover (they thought) says they can't take it and they're off.

Rant over.

[ANDY-J]

Originally posted by Peaches
A friend of mine has custody of her two granddaughters, because the girl's mother has MS and is not physically able to care for the girls. The girl's father has visiting rights, every other weekend. He divorced the mother when she was diagnosed with MS.

The father lives in a small apartment, just large enough for his needs and therefore, only has one bed to sleep in. When the girls are there for the allowed week end visitation, they all sleep in the same bed. The girls are ages 7 and 11.

The girl's grandmother, my friend, worries about this situation. I would like to have opinions from the male posters here about your thoughts on this situation. Do you think it a worrisome arrangement or not?

Before the ladies get upset and feel that their opinions do not count, please don't think that. As a mother, I know what I feel about this and therefore think you might have the same opinion as I do. I'm wanting a male's viewpoint here.

So, gentlemen, please reply with blunt honesty. Thanks.

I think the guy should show a bit of common sense.Even if everything is perfectly innocent he must realise that in this day and age with the virtual paranoia which exists regarding child abuse he is asking for trouble.To my mind sharing a bed with your young daughters is probably better avoided and the guy should show a bit of discretion.

[Peaches]

Neil and AndyJ, I have printed your answers for my friend to read as I am sure she will be interested in the comments that were made.

Thank you both.

[Goose]

1) Why is this a male/female issue? Shouldn't the kids be the concern not the parents. At least thats what I would want my tax dollars worrying about. Definitely could care less after the damage they already did the kids with the divorce.

2) Secondly why is it automatic that the guy is guilty of something? He's not acting in a politically correct normal way, but is he breaking any law or what proof is there he is? Sure what he is doing is suspicious and someone should probably investigate. Any lawyer probably could easily get him denied access to visit with that info in his hands.

[reebeast]

...RIGHT!

P.S There's nothing I like more than cardboard with stovies and delicate sprinklings of dandruff!



[Edited by Marhar on 15th June 2001 at 21:24]

[Marhar]

Reebeast


I have edited your post and removed the offending
word as asked by other members and would like to comment that your post is not in keeping with this thread


Marhar