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Old 23rd December 2004, 22:56
PRgirl PRgirl is offline
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Well Scotland.com, I have been married for a long time. Very happily I might add. Next May it will be 21 years of marriage and 23 years of knowing each other. I am 38 years old and have known my husband since I was 16. He asked me out when I was 17 and we married when I was 18. It has been such a great married life. It really has. And I look forward to another 20 years and more. In fact, my husband told me yesterday when we exercised the dog in the snow that he wants us to die together of old age asleep close together. Lol. He is such a dear and beautiful soul.

Well, we want to adopt a child or children. And we have been waiting for over a year and a half. But, the waiting is tough. But we are hopeful. It still scares me a bit. The sheer responsibility of children and raising them responsibly is very scary. But a great feeling too. My husband was an adopted child and I think would make an ideal parent. But, I would like to know from the more experienced parents out there, which things you have done to help you with your kids that you see have worked really well and can share. My goal is to raise an inquisitive child full of creativity and responsbility and caring for others and to be true to his or her own self always while being a person of good manners and excellent values. What do you think works with kids? I already know our child is going to speak more than one language. And will travel some. But what works for kids?

PRgirl.
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Old 13th January 2005, 02:27
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wild-in-tent wild-in-tent is offline
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Expectations

are one thing to watch. Too high an expectation can dishearten children and plunge their self esteem into the abyss. I have loving children and 2 things I learned, one is that you need to teach them from birth, read to them, interact with them ...my oldest talked early using large words as I talked to her from birth and spent time trying to iteract. I gave them crayons and pens and books and artpads early...also I did art and writing in front of them regularily, it has reaped fruitage, both of them love writing, drawing and are very creative. I then read them alot of true stories (sad ones when they were bad lol! that made them cry..they were ones with a moral and ones geared to give my children feelings for other people...both of them are mushes...this you cannot overdo lol!-I brought up my sister who was quite aloof in her teenage years and a bit unreachable- I thought I failed..but when she inherited our youngest brother who was alot like her...spock....she read the sad books to him...this was the only clue that I had reached her) Along with that you must teach them self love and the value of saying no and self nurturing. I gave them a rule of thumb. You must love others as yourself, don't love others more than yourself, nor yourself more than others. Keep a balance, the other is never give more than you can afford. If you lend out your rent you cannot eat and will starve your own children...no one respects a sucker or someone who does not have healthy respect for themselves. Teach them the value of work and contributing. Teach them they are unique and have something to give that only they can give...themselves. I told my kids that their fingerprints are different. They are the only one like them, thus, they cannot be replaced. That is extremely valuable for them to learn and they are using that approach with their own children. I also exposed them to other cultures. Well that is enough from me. There are other parents here who are good parents and all of us see different things. Hope this helps even just a little.



Quote:
Originally posted by PRgirl
[
My goal is to raise an inquisitive child full of creativity and responsbility and caring for others and to be true to his or her own self always while being a person of good manners and excellent values. What do you think works with kids? I already know our child is going to speak more than one language. And will travel some. But what works for kids?

PRgirl. [/b]
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Old 14th January 2005, 00:15
SherbrookeJacobite
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Re: Expectations

[
Quote:
Originally posted by PRgirl
[
My goal is to raise an inquisitive child full of creativity and responsbility and caring for others and to be true to his or her own self always while being a person of good manners and excellent values. What do you think works with kids? I already know our child is going to speak more than one language. And will travel some. But what works for kids?

PRgirl. [/b]
[/b][/quote]

The advice from Wild-In-Tent is excellent. I have been happily married for almost 20 years, and have a 15 year old son (the hockey player), and an 11 year old daughter (the artist) - both of whom are my pride and joy.

Based on what you have written PRgirl - you already know what you need to know. I think some little boy or girl is going to be very lucky! Unfortunately they don't come with owners manuals - you just have to deal with things as they come.

Kids learn most by example. If you want them to treat everyone with respect - then they have to see you treating everyone with respect. They will absorb your opinions and values just like little sponges.

I wish you all the best, raising my children has been the best part of my life and I know you will never be sorry you decided to do it.

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Old 18th January 2005, 19:35
PRgirl PRgirl is offline
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Re: Re: Expectations

Quote:
Originally posted by SherbrookeJacobite
[
Quote:
Originally posted by PRgirl
[
My goal is to raise an inquisitive child full of creativity and responsbility and caring for others and to be true to his or her own self always while being a person of good manners and excellent values. What do you think works with kids? I already know our child is going to speak more than one language. And will travel some. But what works for kids?

PRgirl.
[/b]
The advice from Wild-In-Tent is excellent. I have been happily married for almost 20 years, and have a 15 year old son (the hockey player), and an 11 year old daughter (the artist) - both of whom are my pride and joy.

PRgirl: Yes, Wild in Tent's reply was informative and good. But she is talking about biological babies who she has influenced since birth. Babies. I might adopt an older child who is from a poor country with bad circumstances and no schooling or previous exposure to anything like books and so on. I might also adopt a child with sight impairments or disabilities. Babies are extremely difficult to find and have much better possibilities of being adopted out. The older kids with histories of abuse and neglect are the most desperate for parents. I would love a baby, but I think the older ones need parents desperately as well. So, I talked it over with my husband and we are going to be flexible enough to include much older children with many disabilities. My only requirement is going to be that the child has normal intelligence and no mental retardation. My husband works with autistic adults and mental limitations and knows how hard it is to deal with that for a lifetime and I decided I can't cope with the anxiety of raising a child that will be dependent on my care for the rest of my life. And in the event of our deaths will go to some cold institution or strangers to live with. Can't cope with that Sherbrooke. So my only stipulation is that they can learn. I will deal with the psychological and physical traumas. The important thing is to enjoy the process of it all. I won't have ideal circumstances like Wild in Tent enjoyed with her children, shaping them from the womb. That is something I have accepted. The doctors told us we can have our own children. But there are kids already here desperate for love and attention and development. And I love all kids anyway. Adoption is great for us.



Based on what you have written PRgirl - you already know what you need to know. I think some little boy or girl is going to be very lucky! Unfortunately they don't come with owners manuals - you just have to deal with things as they come.

Kids learn most by example. If you want them to treat everyone with respect - then they have to see you treating everyone with respect. They will absorb your opinions and values just like little sponges.

PRgirl: Yes. I just hope they don't notice my defects until they are a little older. Lol. Oh, none of us are perfect. But if we take parenting seriously we care what we teach the little sponges by example. We do.


I wish you all the best, raising my children has been the best part of my life and I know you will never be sorry you decided to do it.

[/b][/quote]

PRgirl: I hope I can say the same thing too. Boy, that was hard work and worry galore. But it was all worth it. Yes, that would bring me incredible joy Sherbrooke. It would. My husband I know is a great man. The kid is gonna love him a lot. So do I. So do I.
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“I have learned that you can win the battle over the most powerful of nations, the United States, if you have the moral force behind you.” — Rubén Berríos (about his transforming experience after the sacrifices he had to make for the Navy-Vieques protests)
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Old 21st January 2005, 23:32
SherbrookeJacobite
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You are very courageous PRgirl - and I think your attitude is wonderful. Some of those children with impairments and disabilities need a loving environment the most - and often with love and encouragement can achieve all kinds of things.

I saw your thank-you in the other threads - and you are very welcome. I think your husband, and your son or daughter to be are all very, very lucky. I admire you very much.

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Old 11th February 2005, 18:18
Texasmujer Texasmujer is offline
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PRgirl, what youa re doing is wonderful, and to be admired!! I hope the waiting time goes by very quickly for you...be sure to let us know when you get your child...this is exciting! Wild-in-Tent does have some great ideas, I agree. Share your love of books with your child. Your child will be watching you, and seeing what you do as the model on which to base her bahavior! You have a great ttitude about raising a child...try not to worry too much; your instincts are good. Keep us posted, OK?
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Old 1st May 2008, 02:25
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So I may not be a parent but I am a teen who fits into the description you want of a child. (not to sound full of my self or anything.)

If nothing else, Get your child/children into the school music program. I have been in the bad chorus and orchestra for about 8 years now. I personally feel it can contribute to someone's character more then almost anything else.

You get a great sense of discipline that will last for ever. Also Music is a great way of expressing ones feelings and is dreadfully fun.

If nothing else it keeps me out of all the trouble most other teens get into now a days.

Thats my 2cents, sorry if it wasn't exactly what you were looking for but I do feel it is something to be kept in mind. Congratulations on the long happy marrige and may many happy days follow ^.^ !

(a love for the arts is the best thing ever)
~Lucas
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