Let Us Talk About COMFORT FOOD!!

[PRgirl]

Sg,
That raw and emotional honesty of yours is one of the reasons why I like you very much. Many kids living in poverty have all kinds of 'shameful' feelings. That is why I think it is very bad to make people feel 'less' because of material possessions and or 'social status'. Both my parents were from poor backgrounds and did not have easy childhoods. Sure there were wealthy island Puerto Ricans, but those were few and far between the vast majority of the people were very poor. And had hard lives. And many still do. I didn't grow up wealthy or go to private schools. I did grow up with loving parents and educated parents. Self-educated and parents who went to university from some really poor circumstances, and due to their tenacity and love of learning became the people they were. But neither pursued material status symbols or possessions. Both were more interested in social justice. I would not trade their influence for all the money in the world. I never envied middle class or upper crust people Sg. Never. I think one of the main reasons why was because I was too busy exploring the interesting things talked about and done in my family and in my island and in my culture to worry about such things. NEver was I bored in their presence. And both were quite the personalities. So is my sister. Lol.

You, even though you might have envied the lady eating the mars bar, and you feel patronized by the friends who congratulate you for your 'social mobility', you have a lovely compassionate and open way about you that is a result of your entire experiences in life. All of it. The good and the bad. And you are a fine writer too. I find people who have had to battle many things and keep on forging ahead tend to be more engaging to get to know than those who have had many opportunities handed to them on a silver platter.

Sg, one woman professor I had a long time ago in a sociology course I took many years ago asked me something I found offensive she said, "Wouldn't you want to trade who you are if you could? Wouldn't you want to be a woman of wealth and means and blonde and blue eyed and Anglo and have all the advantages? You wouldn't want to be a Puerto Rican would you if you could change it?" I thought she was crazy. I would not trade anything at all. Or change it. I found incredible meaning in being all the things I was already. And I am sure any person of depth would agree that allowing yourself to be yourself is the greatest thing. Who the hell wants to be something they aren't? I understand if you are poor and powerless and hungry, you would want to be fed, and have a comfortable life and have some power and feel included. But to negate your experiences and live in denial of your essence? That is terrible. And unnecessary. And the people who think anyone should be ashamed of what they have lived in this life and made them who they are, are the truly insensitive and thoughtless. No one should be ashamed of their ethnicity or their lacks due to nothing within their control.

Sg, you are a fine man. All by yourself. And no need to ever feel inferior to anyone. I am sure you know that. Life is too beautiful to waste it on useless regrets. I mean all of us are not perfect. We are the vulnerable and flawed human beings we are. And the key to being content is accepting that wondrous flawed human uniqueness about us and finding it worth while and worth LOVING and sharing that flawed loveliness with others.

My mother has cancer Sg, and who knows how long she will live. But she is visiting me now, and what did I tell her, the other day, when she worried if she was a good enough mother to me. I told her, "I would never have wanted anyone but her as my mother. She is everything I most admire in a person. And she was a loving and caring person, and full of kindness and full of fire and struggle and intelligence and brilliance. And I was the luckiest girl in the whole world to be her youngest daughter." We are fortunate in many ways. So many ways, and we waste so much time focusing on what we didn't have. Life is unfair, but it is a learning experience. And I for one, know that I got more than my fair share of good things. And being who I am is one those things. You have so many great things too Sg. YOU DO. Don't you forget it. My father was dirt poor. My grandfather his father, died of TB and without a cent to his name. But until my father's death, my father remembered him as the loving and gentle father he always was to his son. And what else is there to know? Or desire in life but to be remembered with love by those whom you have shared yourself with? You have love Sg. ANd always will.

And since we have strayed from the theme of comfort food, did you try some guacamole? Or will try it soon hombre precioso escoses? I hope so. For if you find me a good scone recipe I shall try it for the very first time in my life and see what I think of it with some darjeeling tea. All because of you Sg. And of Ms. Polwarth too. For I am thinking I like being included on the conversations here. And I need to pay my dues. To Scottish culture. The people are great! And so are you Sg. So are you.

PRgirl.

[Edited by PRgirl on 18th October 2004 at 02:56]

[sgriobhadair]

Originally posted by PRgirl
I understand if you are poor and powerless and hungry, you would want to be fed, and have a comfortable life and have some power and feel included. But to negate your experiences and live in denial of your essence? That is terrible. And unnecessary. And the people who think anyone should be ashamed of what they have lived in this life and made them who they are, are the truly insensitive and thoughtless. No one should be ashamed of their ethnicity or their lacks due to nothing within their control.

Hey PRG, I am very proud of my ethnicity. But shame is not a choice. It's a fact that can only be eradicated by a long, good life.

I thank your for all you said. I really didn't mean to come across as a self-dramatizing misery-guts. I hope I didn't. Being one of Caledonia's Hardy Sons, I am kind of embarrassed by hearing nice things said about me, most especially when they are sincere and fulsome. There is a strong thread of schadenfreude in the Scottish character, and a hard, unforgiving undertone that comes from the need to endure. If you need proof, try reading a novel called "House With the Green Shutters" by George Douglas, which puts that thread into unnerving perspective. "Angela's Ashes" in comparison reads like "Winnie the Pooh." A history of poverty and dearth may have instilled a touch of sourness into the national character. I can say that because I know it. Look at all the negativity on Scotland.com! But there is also sweetness, strength, poetry, endurance and all sorts of other stalwart qualities in us too.

Nobody's character is the result of their upbringing alone, of course, or their culture. My brother -- who we discovered recently also has cancer BTW -- has done some research into the family tree and uncovered two suicides (both in front of speeding trains) and one axe murderer. I'm not lying! I think melancholia is genetic, and I'm prone to it. Writing is what saves me. Every day I get to untangle mysteries of character and to finish the day knowing that I've made something that wasn't in the world this morning.

Thank you for your honesty and sweetness and your Latin fire (can I say that?) It is against the law to be this candid, caring and open in Scotland. It is only permitted legally if you have drunk nine pints of lager or most of a bottle of Famous Grouse (bylaws vary.)

[Edited by sgriobhadair on 18th October 2004 at 03:57]

[PRgirl]

I noticed that Scottish people aren't all into getting flattering remarks. It is cause for suspicions to arise. I smile.

Yes, you are proud of your ethnicity and a fine one it is. In you I do see a hardy resiliency. And in all families there are tragedies of all sorts.

My good thoughts about you are sincere. And I am being consistent with my culture and my family upbringing and with my nature. And in my household, kissing, hugs, emotionally sincere commentary, physical demonstrativeness of affection and love were very plentiful. My father kissed me a lot, hugged me a lot, and joked with me everyday, and I felt his love very tangibly. My mother also was that way, and my husband is that way as a true Boricua that he is as well. I don't mind you saying I have some Latin fire. Because I know it is not a derogatory thing, but one of sincerity. And I think you don't mind it. Lol.

You are a hardy and enduring man too. It is obvious. And it looks like the Scotch are people who endure a whole lot. All individuals vary they do. And so people are people and ethnic things aren't going to apply to most of us. Stereotypes are useless. But in general there are cultural mores that exist. True. And good things and bad things about a culture. Any culture that is human has shades of gray.

What kind of writing do you do Sg? If I can be a nosy person and ask?

See you soon Sg.

PRgirl.

[sgriobhadair]

Originally posted by PRgirl
And in my household, kissing, hugs, emotionally sincere commentary, physical demonstrativeness of affection and love were very plentiful. My father kissed me a lot, hugged me a lot, and joked with me everyday, and I felt his love very tangibly. My mother also was that way, and my husband is that way as a true Boricua that he is as well.
What kind of writing do you do Sg? If I can be a nosy person and ask?

For all my working life, apart from an early detour into commercial fishing, I have been a journalist for popular magazines and newspapers. You'll forgive me, I hope, for being coy about my identity -- it might confuse some people and I get enough wackos calling me and emailing me already. Enough to say that for many years my name was familiar to readers of a certain extremely popular weekly magazine. I gave up that kind of journalism almost entirely a year ago to concentrate on fiction and travel writing. Yes, I'm the stereotype journalist who gave it all up to write THE BOOK. I'm a living cliche.

I am half-way through a novel about journalism in Hollywood and Ireland. It's tongue in cheek, but I hope it is cutting, witty and exciting. The hero has all the emotional conflicts of the exile (he's Irish). He had a dirt poor upbringing in a household empty of real affection. He is therefore baffled by love but hungry for it. (You get the picture.) Here's the funny part: I gave a first draft for my mother to read. Asked for her criticism she said. "Ye're a clever lad." Pressed further, she said. "It was very deep." Pressed even futher she burst out, "I didnae get mony bozies (hugs) when I was a bairn either." She picked out one aspect of the character and took it very personally, obviously with a touch of defensiveness. She also said she was offended by the hero's anti-Catholic bias (a fictional device) and was surprised at me since we knew such a nice Catholic family when we were kids.

When poverty knocks on the door, love flees oot the windy. I believe that was the tragedy of my family. All my siblings are walking wounded, in some way, but soldiering on, and we never, ever share our pain with each other. See? I get to write about all that, thinly disguised, and one day they will read and know I was talking about them --with love.

[PRgirl]

Sg,
You are a very fine writer. Of that I don't have any doubts about. Hmm, how children grow up without feeling love. Talking about cultural things. Is it normal for Scottish parents to be a little reserved with their children? In general? We are all products of our home environments. I see now the parts in which my parents made mistakes. But in many things they did right. So many things they did right. I noticed it now more than ever. I notice that both my sister and I think childhood is something pleasant, and warm and fun. And as such we both find the idea of having children a good thing. And something really great. I notice that those with melancholy or difficult childhoods don't feel comfortable talking about their childhoods and or feel kind of indifferent or negatively towards the thought of being or becoming parents someday.

I liked the openess at home. Being able to talk as a child and have adults listen to your opinion. (That is not common in Puerto Rican households by the way), but it was normal in mine. Lol. Nobody's home life is a stereotype.

There was never any abuse at home, in terms of being hit or denied or food or shelter or some basic due to disobedience. Instead all I truly remember was a sense of exploration and acceptance, and of dancing and questions, and sharing, and lots of love. So much naturalness and warmth. I am not ashamed to say it. I LOVED MY CHILDHOOD, and if I could relive it a thousand times, I would. Lol. I know that might be something terrible to admit, because I want to write too. And it seems like the most interesting writers had terrible childhoods. But who knows? Maybe it is all about being creative. And I hope I am.

You and I have what I call 'simpatia' and I think we would make good email buddies. You certainly share many things I am interested in Sg. Even though you are of a different generation, different ethnic group, and different sex than I am. I feel a lot of common interests about you growing. Why am I not surprised? Buenas Noches.

PRgirl.

[PRgirl]

Sg said:
"When poverty knocks on the door, love flees oot the windy. I believe that was the tragedy of my family. All my siblings are walking wounded, in some way, but soldiering on, and we never, ever share our pain with each other. See? I get to write about all that, thinly disguised, and one day they will read and know I was talking about them --with love."

People keep that pain for years don't they? Yes, you are right there is tragedy and pain in families. I know what mine are. I would share them with you in friendship and email. Not here. I can tell you are a talented writer Sg, and I have a feeling you will write something of substance. I would love to read your novel when it is published. It sounds so interesting. Why did you make the protagonist Irish instead of a fellow Scot like you?

Do you know there is this novelist who wrote "Como Agua Para Chocolate" or "Like water for chocolate" by Laura Esquivel. A Mexican woman writer who also wrote a book in a fairly untraditional format. The title escapes me but she has cartoon strips, a CD filled with Opera and old Spanish boleros and Latin American boleros and tangos and such. You read a chapter of her book, then play a certain indicated song on the CD to accompany it, and then a glossy paper cartoon part of the novel unfolds and you are back to the written chapters. It is about an upper class Aztec princess living during the time of the Spanish conquest, and then she is reincarnated into a modern Mexican woman who continues to have a relationship with the reincarnated 'villain' of the story. It is complex and interesting. And very Latin American. The other novel featured lots of food recipes. Old authentic Mexican recipes. I found the book fun to read. It certainly wasn't a conventional read.

I had a conversation with my mother after seeing the Magdalene Sisters the film. And I told her in Spanish (I will translate for you), "Do you know the Irish and the Mexicans I have noticed both are very strong Roman Catholic tradition people and have tragic national histories. And they both make movies that are so full of depression and oppression one wants to committ suicide after seeing them." She laughed and said, "Yes, they love to torture the audience with a lot of raw pain and things coming out badly for people. Happy endings and sweetness and light is not the manner of artistic expression of either the Irish or the Mexicans." And we laughed about the observation. It is very true. Yet, they don't fail in their abilities to move us emotionally and mentally as well with their humanity either. Have you seen an old Mexican movie with the Holy of Holies the most famous Mexican actor of all times? Pedro Infante? Well, he made a whole lot of Mexican movies that are re-run and re-broadcast like clockwork throughout all of Latin America. That actor, Pedro Infante was super duper loved and when he died in a tragic plane crash still relatively young, in the 1950's, dozens of women all over Latin America threw themselves off balconies and tall buildings due to the fact that he was gone and the world no longer was the same for them without him in it. Lol. IT IS TRUE I am not making this up Sg. There is one movie that is very tragic (but does have a happy ending [many don't]) it is called "Nosotros los Pobres", which means, "We the Poor". And it details the dilemmas of being poor in Latin America. The good and the bad. And the tragedies and the victories. I find it very dated to a degree but for its time it was so much more human and down to earth than the movies made in Hollywood at the time.

Really memorable characters become excellent targets for movies. I must confess a love of thrillers. And one thriller writer I really like the (pulp fictional ones category) is Lawrence Block novels with that ex-alcoholic struggling detective stories. I like his plots and his characters. They seem so real. I also like Perez Reverte. His novels are filled with interesting characters, historical details and great imagery. I love speaking and reading more than one language and more than one culture. You get to read fantastic writers in their native language and get all the pleasures of reading and VARYING the styles so dramatically. The Latin American writers are harder to read. And they have a style about them that is very different. I think in the Spanish speaking countries the writers tend to be from the upper class, well educated and don't do it for the money. In the English speaking publishing world you have a lot more equity in terms of people like yourself of poor backgrounds and still having access to public education and writing and reading despite their roots and write novels for so many other reasons. I enjoy that about the English speaking writers. There is less class divisions and the style is different. So radically different.

Does your protagonist find the love he seeks and craves in his heart? I hope so. I really like to see people get what they need in life. Though at times they never do.

PRgirl.

[sgriobhadair]

Originally posted by PRgirl
Why did you make the protagonist Irish instead of a fellow Scot like you?

Does your protagonist find the love he seeks and craves in his heart? I hope so. I really like to see people get what they need in life. Though at times they never do.

Making him Irish gave me more distance. The character is NOT me, and it would get boring if he was. But he shares my experience of being a working-class-Celt-made-good and living a life of, to him, extraordinary luxury in California. He can't enjoy it, of course, because of the 'pooka' that will always be part of him. SO he's confused, conflicted. In America he cleans up his act. He goes on the wagon, tries to resist fooling around and is, predictably, miserable. He's homesick. Ireland was the setting for his greatest happiness, but he also fears the dripping squalor of his childhood. He is prey to the fatalism of the Irish, which is depression in disguise. He finally decides that America, for all its obsession with health, success and fulfilment, is a trap, and that taking the cheese was a foolish bargain. A third of the book centers round his return to Ireland, where he resumes the character that he left behind. He finds redemption in misbehavior. It's a reverse of the usual: my guy reclaims his soul through drinking, sleeping with a pretty girl, fighting and humorous anarchy. He hunts down a bad man at the same time, so we don't hate him. Does he find love? Will he return to America? Will the tawny, grasshopper-legged American girl he left behind see through the rollicking boyo to the wounded poet inside? I don't know. It is a romance, of course. I haven't finished yet, so I'll be as interested to find the answers as you are.

I don't think I have much more to say here about writing because I'm supersitious too. I don't want to risk whatever it is I do every day. I don't mind talking about writing in more general terms, but all this is getting somewhat close to home. Maybe discussing novels and writing should really be in the Literature forum? We could talk more about 'my' stuff, if you like, by email.

In fact, we didn't stray that far from 'comfort foods.' We just started talking about why we need comfort in the first place.

But thank you, PRG, for your interest and empathy. If you are not writing books you should start immediately, right now. You have all the abilities. You could write very long books.