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continuation...
KINDHEARTED...comforting friends
Grieving people are often so dazed they don't know what kind of help they need. Don't just say, "Call me if there's anything I can do," or "Let us know if you need something," which often puts the whole burden on someone who is probably finding it difficult to cope. If you have expertise in an area where your friend needs assistance, offer it. Or look around to see how you might help and make a specific ofer that the bereaved person can simply say yes or no to, such as taking the kids for an weekend, putting an announcement in the newspaper, sitting by the phone to list everyone who calls, helping with the logistics. But don't do anything without asking or be too intrusive. Don't offer to do something if you don't intend to follow up.
What usually comforts the bereaved most are memories of the deceased and recollections about him, or her, to know his or her life meant something. Remember anniversaries, holidays, and birthdays---they'll be difficult. Good
friends continue to make comforting gestures after the first awful week.
If a friend asks disturbing questions ("What's the use of going on?"), he is not looking for a logical, direct answer. He needs to explore his feelings and would benefit by talking to a therapist. Try to work out th real purpose of such questions.
WRITE A NOTE RATHER THAN SEND A COMMERCIAL CARD.
Be a friend, not a therapist. The words you use aren't important; a grieving person doesn't need you to say anything in particular. The real comfort comes form knowing a friend is present during the pain.
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