[Texasmujer]

Family feud?

Don't let it ruin your holidays. Use these friendly comebacks the next time your Mom or sister ticks you off during the holidays.

Ouch!! Sometimes, families and holidays are a deadly combination. Whether it's a competitive sister or an overly critical mother, one of the greatest holiday stresses is keeping the peace with those we are supposed to love the most.

Think in advance about how you are going to respond to relatives who push your buttons. Think of these people as fishermen...they're throwing out lines in hopes of hooking you. Your task is not to take the bait.

Here are two responses when a hook comes out. The first is, "Thanks for your opinion,: followed by a friendly subject change: "How about those candied yams?" (It's OK to allow yourself an inner eye-roll. but with this reply, you acknowledge that you got the message and signal that the subject is closed. The second response recognizes that the hook is really a desire to express caring, even though it doesn't feel so good to you. in these circumstances, say as warmly as possible, "Thanks for caring about me." Then change the subject. This assures the speaker they were heard and avoids any unpleasantness; the subject probably won't come up again.

In the heat of the moment, it can be hard not to take the bait. But if your desire to keep the peace stays front and center, happy holidays can be more then just a saying.


WHAT IF YOU NEED TO FIGHT BACK?
LOOK AHEAD Rehashing the past is an absolute waste of breath. When this occurs, it's useful to say something like, "Let's not look backward. We may never agree on what happened. What's important is we're here now together."

Say "Ouch"
If you can't stop from replying to relatives who hurt with snide remarks, try saying, "Ouch" before changing the subject. It's remarkably effective in conveying to others that you've been hurt without having to justify yourself. The other person may not admit she caused any pain. But, if nothing else, you've recognized that it stings. And that helps take the sting away.